Thursday, June 22, 2017

You've Been Judged!

Hello my dear readers,

My oh my! Where dose the time go? Yesterday we celebrated a great turn for Mother Earth - Summer Solstice. Although the hot summer days are on their way, the days will start getting shorter. So, let your hair loose, shed off those layers and enjoy summer days just the way you like it! And don't let anyone judge you!
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Speaking of judging, as you might have noticed from the title of this post, our discussion will be about the judgements. It does not matter if it is you who is being judged by someone, or it is you who is being judgemental. We will have a look at both.

Where shall we start? Well, let's take a trip down memory lane and place yourself in the middle school. You are young, full of energy and wonder and starting to develop opinions about the world, people and yourself.

Few days from now, there is an opportunity to introduce yourself to the world in the best possible way (in your opinion of course) and you are very excited and putting a lot of time and effort to get ready. Can you guess what the opportunity is? Your first school dance of course! "Not to miss" social occasion that could set a path for your future life. Yes, that important of an event! You have been getting ready for months now: outfit, hair, friends and of course expectations of the event.
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The day is finally here! Your parents dropped you off at school where you reunited with your friends. You look beautiful, feeling fantastic and ready to have a good time. A little food, few cups of fruit punch (remember, you're in middle school), chats and laughs with your friends and of course lots of dancing. You are having a blast! Nothing can spoil the feeling!

And then something happens, you see a group of your peers looking at you and laughing. Of course, you get curious and now keep looking at this group to see if the stairs and laughs continue. They do. You starting to feel uncomfortable, you are not so sure in yourself anymore and suddenly you stop having fun. Why is this happening? The answer is - You've Been Judged!

Yes, the awful feeling of judgement. It does not make a difference how little or big. It is uncomfortable, it is hurtful and at times blood churning. It is tough to shake off and it can seep through into all of the areas of your life. All of sudden you start questioning everything you do and then spiral into depression because you think you don't fit and you are useless.

I am sure that this happened to you more than once. I am not talking about school dance specifically, I am referring to the feeling of being judged. You do not have to be young to feel badly about someone else's negative opinion of you or something that you do. We've all been there more than once. Not fun!
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And how about the other side - you being the "judge"? Do you recall how many times you made someone upset, disappointed or mad by your hurtful comments? I won't lie, I've been there and now feel badly. Did I think I was better than the person who was a victim of my words? Did I think my opinion was the right one (well, we know how I feel about this one)? Why did I do that? Why do we have a desire to push our negative energy onto people?

After the years of experience with people and simple observation of their behavior, I've come to conclusion that our need for judgement is brought by the lack of that something that we judge others for. Yes, I know, clear as mud!

So, let me explain. in the recent month I was judged. I found out about this from a colleague of mine. It was something rather silly, a pair of form fitting pants. I am still relatively new to the company I work with and some of the people do not know my name. And so, I was remembered as a "girl in tight pants". Hmmm...

What was my reaction? First I was rather confused, I could not quite understand why my pants that are part of the business suite I wore, got so much attention. Secondly, I could not understand why was I identified by my pants. Thirdly, I said to my colleague: "I am glad that my popularity is growing that even my pants get a notice!".

You see things like this do not bother me anymore. I am a very confident person, I know who I am and yes, I work very hard to stay in shape so I can wear form fitting clothes. It makes me feel good and I will not stop doing that.
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I suggested to my colleague that I feel sad for the person who made the comment and then found out that this person was not in the greatest shape and was simply jealous. I also found out that I was not the first victim. Simply sad!

The interesting outcome of this is that every time I go to the head office, I seriously consider my attire. I do! And it is not like me at all! I am strong, confident and I do not have time or space in my world for such people or their comments. I can happily meet with them and hear what they have to say and perhaps share with them my side of the story. Cowardly behaviour is not welcomed in my life.

So, why do I still think about this? Well, in my "past life" (before my spiritual awakening and full understanding of myself) I wanted everyone to like me and was willing to do anything for that to take place. So, perhaps that feeling is still somewhat present deep in my soul. Even with the understanding that it is practically impossible, it seem that "the little girl"  inside of me still wants to be liked. Work in progress!

But enough about me (did I just say that?). Let's get back to discussion about judgements. Yes, they are unpleasant and disrupt your life in a negative way. But they are a part of life. I would love to tell you that you will be okay, but it is not up to me. It is in your hands, it is your choice how you react to the situation or if you choose to be judgemental towards someone.

So next time someone passes judgment on you or you are about to judge someone, think about why this is happening and make a choice. Make a choice how you will react to someone's negative words about you or think about how your negative words might affect someone.
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The secret is to listen to your thoughts and pay attention to your feelings and emotions. It is easier said than done, But try it once and see how it feels. And then try it again. Next thing you know you are free of judgemental feelings and behaviour. And the world becomes a better place for everyone!

Yes, I am a strong believer that world will be a better place if there was less judgement. But this is a completely different discussion.

I hope you enjoyed reading this post and it is always my hope that it helped you in some way. Remember, we are here to experience life and have a journey. It is your life and your journey and you are the only one who decides what's best for you. No judgement of others should determine this. And please try to stay away form judging others.

Enjoy your summer and don't forget to

Be Active! Be Involved! Be a Current Woman!

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